


Layers

by carmensandiego



Category: The Brave (TV 2017)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-13
Updated: 2018-04-23
Packaged: 2019-03-04 04:24:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13356435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carmensandiego/pseuds/carmensandiego
Summary: Dalton & Jaz sifting through their complex relationship post her capture/rescue. Starting as a one chapter but could draw out into more..





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> My first dabble into fanfic for The Brave. Hope you like it. I adore this whole show and crew!

He watched her as she sat still in the chair, staring blankly at the window as McG put in a fresh IV. It hadn't been more than three hours since arriving back to the safe zone. Their "home". 

Jaz hadn't said more than four sentences since. Instead, choosing to stare off into the distance while her team desperately clung to every sniffle, every wince, hoping she was ok. Hoping she wasn't detrimentally broken from this experience.

Any other soldier might be. Being captured; tortured, was enough to push the emotional limits of even the toughest serviceman. 

But this was Jaz. The only woman on a five person crew that could hold her own and then some. 

And Dalton knew this. But he also knew that part of what made her tough was her ability to mask the pain. Mask the horror that she had experienced almost her entire childhood. Smile through it. And that terrified him. 

His thoughts were interrupted as McG finished, softly squeezing her shoulder as he got up and gathered the empty IV bag and the rest of his medical supplies. His eyes caught Dalton's and were full of sentiment. 

She had been hurt. How bad, neither of them knew at the moment. But something awful had happened to her. 

Dalton nodded his thanks to McG as he left the room and continued to watch as she barely moved, not acknowledging that he was still standing there. 

He turned to leave, wanting to give her space. But he stopped as his hand touched the doorknob. 

"Did they hurt you?" He asked, trying to sound gentle but unable to avoid the rage inside that he felt. 

He heard her move slightly in her chair, but silence remained. 

His fist grew tighter around the knob and he closed his eyes, hoping her refusal to answer the question wasn't a confirmation. 

He turned around, opening his eyes and laying eyes upon her again. 

"Did they hurt you, Jaz?" 

His voice had grown louder. Angrier. He hadn't meant for that to happen.

"I'm tougher than I look, Top." She said, trying to muster a smile as her voice cracked slightly. "I'll be ok."

"That's not what I asked." He said sternly. 

She understood what he meant. 

"No." She said softly. "No, they didn't hurt me."

He breathed a sigh of relief at her words. His mind racing at the thought of anyone harming her... putting their hands on her. The thought was too much for him to bear. 

He nodded, watching her as she finally looked at him. Her eyes were soft. So much softer than he had ever seen. Even if they hadn't harmed her in that way, they had tried to break her. Dalton knew what that looked like and seeing it in Jaz was enough to cripple him.

He broke her gaze, looking out the window in reflection. The next words stumbled out of his mouth before he could stop them.

"I thought we had lost you. I thought I had lost you." 

He felt her eyes cutting into him but couldn't look back at her. He knew she was trying to decipher what he meant. Hell, even he didn't really understand it. But he needed to say it. 

"I don't ever want to feel that again." He said, briefly looking at her before he turned quickly and left the room, closing the door behind him.

He leaned against the wall outside her room, his hands cupping his face as he closed his eyes and took in the events of the past day. The ups and downs of thinking she was dead. Then having hope, only to have it dashed again. He tried to imagine leaving her there. To die. A decision he almost had to make. 

A decision that would've broken him. In more ways than one. 

Preach turned into the hallway, seeing Top crumpled against the wall, finally letting go of the built up emotions of almost losing one of his team.

Although Preach knew there was more to it than that, even if neither of them was ready to acknowledge it.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the wonderful comments!   
> Once I start a story, it's hard to stop so here's Chapter 2!

Dalton sat with his arms folded behind his head, his shirt clinging to his body from the sweat of his just finished workout. 

It was 3am. And here he was pushing his body to the limits since rest wouldn't come to him. His lack of sleep wasn't a surprise. He never could after tough missions. But this last one... well, the word tough just wasn't enough for everything they had gone through.

Killing Jarif.  
Watching Jaz get taken.  
Losing Hossein.

And yes. Even though Jarif was dead, they had lost an incredibly good man who gave his life so they could fight another day. The memory pained Dalton even though some of the higher ups above Patricia in the DIA glossed over that fact. Instead, choosing to celebrate the fact that Jaz had killed Jarif. In hand to hand combat, no less.

Dalton marveled at her often. But especially now, he couldn't fathom how some of his comrades in other units still did not want women to be among special forces teams.

There was no other sniper he would want protecting his back and the backs of his team.

He had told her just a short time ago how he couldn't ever forget how hard it must have been for her to get here. And he meant it. The road to even be considered for a special ops assignment was hard. Add on to that the fact that she was a woman who was constantly faced with men who thought themselves tougher, braver, stronger, smarter...

Yeah, she was tough. But even through her toughness, she was vulnerable. He knew that. And the tortured look on her face when they had rescued her and brought her back home was still haunting him. She still hadn't divulged all that she went through. McG had made mention of burns, cuts, and scars that looked like someone had tried to administer her an IV with God know what in it.

No one on the team had dared ask her to detail her capture. And they probably wouldn't... not until they knew she was ready to talk. Even though it took all of Dalton's internal power not to storm into her bunk and beg her to let him in. To trust him.

His mind was so heavy into those thoughts that he hadn't even heard her approaching him on the couch until she was standing right behind him smirking.

His body jumped up violently and he saw a small smile creep upon her face.

"Told you I was a ninja." She said slyly, as he relaxed and took a step back.

"Jesus Jaz... give a guy a warning every now and then."

"That's no fun, Top." She said, a hint of her playful personality showing through.

It gave Dalton hope.

"Can't sleep, huh?" She said as she took in his soaked shirt and beads of sweat still dripping down his face.

He frowned.

"I didn't wake you, did I?" He asked, knowing full well she hadn't slept a wink either that night.

She appreciated his chivalry, but nodded no truthfully.

He looked her up and down swiftly. And though she looked a little better than she did three days ago, her hair was still hastily thrown together in a messy bun. And her clothes, although hers, were not her usual Jaz ensemble.

"Are you hungry?" He said, changing the subject and trying to ignore the fact that he knew what Jaz's nighttime apparel usually consisted of, and looked over the kitchen.

"You know I'm not the best cook in the world but I can whip up my famous hash browns and some mystery meat I think I saw in the fridge."

She smiled. "Tempting, but no. I'm fine."

Even though it was hard for her to admit, Jaz appreciated the care and concern from her team. But it had only been three days. She hadn't really had time to process her emotions... even though she was doing her best to convince them that her injuries were only physical.

"Look..." she said, sensing Dalton's agitation with her not eating and barely talking since she'd gotten back. "I know you guys are worried about me, Top. And even though Jarif's guys were tough, I'm tougher. And in a week or so, when these bruises fade and I'm cleared again for duty, things can get back to normal and you guys will finally stop walking on eggshells around me."

He watched her mannerisms closely as she spoke. Hesitating on whether or not he should mention that he didn't get to be where he was without being observant. Since she'd returned, her hands shook; slightly, but it was noticeable. And her eyes... her mouth may keep saying she was fine but her eyes didn't.

"Ok Jaz, I get it." He said softly. She nodded and had begun to turn around to go back to her room. But he decided to speak again.

"But I know you. Do you not know that by now?" She stopped, still with her back towards him.

"And that look in your eyes when we picked you up. That look in your eyes your first night back here." He stopped when she turned back around.

"And the look in your eyes now tell me you're not fine. And you're not ok. And you may be able to convince the head shrinks and maybe even the rest of the team. But not me, Jaz. Not me."

He saw her nostrils flare and winced. The last thing he wanted to do was piss her off. Even though he had to admit that her quick temper was one of the things he liked most about her.

He watched as she sorted through her emotions. Her face relaxing after a short time and tilting down as she closed her eyes and pinched her nose.

He hated when he was right. And of course, he was right. Jaz had been on his team for 3 years. And even though he had never had reservations about her being a woman, he did have a few reservations at first because she was young. A few years younger than the other guys on the team. But on their first mission, she had handled herself with the kind of maturity that only a seasoned vet could muster. And he'd never had reservations since.

She opened her eyes, staring back at him.

"I'm just... I don't see the point in talking about it, Top. I'm just not ready yet to go into everything..."

"Ok Jaz, but when?" He said forcefully, cutting her off. " You keep saying you're ok and not to worry but it's been three days and you've barely looked us in the eyes. You're not eating, you barely talk."

He stopped, realizing his voice was carrying louder than he wanted. "Do you not trust us? Do you not trust me?"

His words hit her like a load of bricks and he heard a small wince escape from her mouth before she spoke.

"They showed me a picture." She said softly as her face grimaced.

"They told me my actions had killed my entire team and they showed me a picture of you. Dead."

Dalton watched as tears welled up in her face.

Shit.

"Jaz...", he said as he took a step towards her.

But she threw her hands up, stopping him from coming any closer.

"You were slumped in a chair. Beaten. Bloody. And I thought it was my fault. That not only did I just lose the most important person in my life but it was my fucking fault."

"But you didn't Jaz." He said, ignoring the lump in his throat by her admission about his role in her life. "And even if we had died, we signed up for this. There is no onus on you to keep us safe. I would die a thousand deaths if it meant keeping you safe. Keeping this team safe."

Jaz laughed, almost maniacally. "And that's the problem, Top."

She continued on.

"Us... Our lives... We are never gonna get that happily ever after. Most likely, we will all die out here in the field on some crazy assignment from some bullshit looney tune who hates us or our country or the people we're trying to save. You can't protect us. We can't protect each other. And that fairytale of a big home with a white picket fence and tire swing in the front yard with kids laughing and playing and not having a care in the world... It isn't gonna come true."

She stopped, realizing she had gotten more emotional than intended.

This was not her. But the last few days had changed her.

Seconds that felt like minutes passed between them, neither saying a word.

Finally, Dalton spoke.

"Is that what you dream of?" He asked.

She looked at him quizzically. She didn't understand.

"The white fence and kids and big house... Is that what you want?" He asked. "At the end of all this?"

She sighed, looking away. "Does it even matter?" She said plainly.

He stepped closer, only a few feet away from where she was standing.

He looked into her eyes, her tears from minutes ago were gone. Replaced with sadness and maybe even fear.

"It matters to me." He said, his voice cracking slightly.

This Dalton, the one standing before now wasn't her boss; wasn't her leader. He was Adam. 

And that scared her slightly.

She closed her eyes, taking a long breath and opened them again.

"Goodnight, Top." She said softly, turning around and running away from his questions.

Dalton cursed himself, thinking maybe he pushed too hard. But was jarred out of his self loathing when he heard her stop suddenly before turning the corner.

"Yes." Jaz said quietly. "I want it more than you know."

He smiled.

Me too, he thought internally as she headed back to her room.

Otherwise what was the point in all this?


	3. Chapter 3

Her head raised up, startled by the sound of the machine beeping.

Jaz watched, almost in slow motion, as a nurse and doctor rushed into the hospital room, pushing buttons and checking Preach’s vitals.

Amir and McG were to her right, standing up at attention, their eyes focused on Preach and whatever was happening.

Dalton still sat by his bedside. His hand clinging to his dear friend. He hadn’t moved from that spot in hours.

The doctor turned around, sensing the tension in the room and addressed them; even though he was looking specifically at the CO.

“His blood pressure is rising some. He’s critical. And we’re going to keep him in a coma for awhile. Make sure when he does wake up, his body is ready to handle everything he’s been through.”

Jaz sighed and closed her eyes.

Preach.

Out of all of them, he was who they needed the most in this moment to tell them everything was going to be okay. To let them know there was a light at the end of the dark & weary tunnel.

All they had to do is have faith.

But instead, it was him lying listless in a hospital bed for the past 9 hours without a twitch, a signal. A word.

Jaz watched Dalton as he processed the doctor’s news. He nodded slightly and shifted his focus back on his friend.

The doctor spoke again.

“I know you all want to be here for your friend. But honestly, he best thing for him is a peaceful and quiet surrounding to get him through this. You guys should take shifts. Get some sleep.”

Jaz saw McG nod from the corner of her eye but kept her focus on her CO.

He wasn’t going anywhere. Anytime soon.

Patricia had already had command secure a couple hotel rooms across the street from the hospital for the team and Preach’s family when they did arrive. Which should be shortly.

McG motioned her outside as Amir approached Dalton to briefly speak to him.

“I could be cute and say that I would stay here and keep watch with Top but we all know you’re probably the best for that role. So how about Amir & I mosey on over to the hotel, try to get a couple ZZ’s and you try to persuade Top to follow suit after Preach’s wife gets here.”

She nodded, knowing full well Top didn’t do anything Top didn’t want to do. And prying him away from his comatose friend didn’t seem like a feat she should take on.

“Yeah.” She said dismissingly, as he handed her two keys. But she smiled at McG, who she had come to care for as a brother she never had. “Thanks.”

“No sweat.” He said, his smile still able to radiate any room he was in. “Oh and Jazzy… those keys are to the same room. Me and Amir will take one, you and Top can have the other. Don’t do anything, I wouldn’t do.” He said, smiling.

“Grow up.” She said as she punched his arm.

She walked back into the room as Amir was leaving. He touched her on the shoulder as he exited and she stood next to Top, who was still seated with his hand holding Preach’s.

She was silent for awhile. Just watching as the breathing tubes kept this man, her comrade, alive.

Preach had always taken to Jaz. Even from the very beginning.

He was kind. Patient. Trusting.

Looking over him now, she thought briefly about his daughters and how lucky they must be to have such a wonderful father in their life.

 _And that could all come crashing to an end_ …. she thought briefly, pushing it out of her mind.

“Go get some sleep, Jaz.” Dalton’s low voice muttered softly.

“No way.” She said curtly. “At least not yet. I’ll wait with you another hour til his wife gets here.” She slipped the hotel key in his free hand, but he barely responded. Just kept staring at his friend.

It wasn’t until she heard the muffled cries from the hall that she knew it was time for her to go.

His wife was distraught. Panicked. And even though Jaz would’ve been willing to sit with her and help her through this tough time, it wasn’t her comfort she sought.

It was Dalton, his longtime friend.

So she made her way to the hotel across the street and stared at the room.

It had a living room with a sofa bed along with a king bed in an attached room.

She made up the sofa bed, knowing Dalton would soon be following behind her. And went to lie down in the other room.

_______________________________________________________________________

It wasn’t until a few hours later that she heard the hotel door open, soft footsteps soon following behind.

It was dark, but she knew it was him.

She heard him take a few steps, his eyes adjusting, and pause; seeing the door to her room cracked enough where he knew it was intentional.

She saw him stand at her doorway, thru the crack. Not knowing how to proceed.

She had come to know this man in the last 3 years better than she had known almost anyone in her life. She trusted him more than anyone else in her life. And even though she still didn’t know all the details about her capture and how they got her back, she knew Dalton’s relentless pursuit of her was the driving force behind her still being alive.

He pushed the door open a bit and watched as she sat up slightly in the bed, still in her military sweats and t-shirt from earlier.

“I’m not sure I can do this anymore.” He said, his voice cracking in a way she had never heard before.

She stared at him in the dimly lit room. Seeing now his eyes heavy; sad.

Jaz knew Top had killed Hoffman. After his speech about the darkness inside of him and what he was willing to do for the people he cared for, it was a definite. And despite his speech to her, she knew a part of him suffered every time he shed blood. No matter the reason. No matter the glory.

Killing was never easy. It was never something people get used to.

At least good people didn't. And despite what he thought of himself, Top was good.

She got up from the bed, walking to where he stood. She took his hand, guiding him to the king bed where the impression of her body still held an imprint.

She scooted to the other side and watched as he stood over the bed. Not knowing if this was the right move. But she tugged his hand again, drawing him onto the soft mattress.

She laid her head down, her hand still holding his, as he laid his head down on the other pillow.

Silence passed between them. Minutes, without words; without movement.

Then, suddenly she felt his hand curl a bit more into hers and a sigh of relief passed within her.

She wasn’t sure if he would take this invitation the way any other man might. Jaz wasn’t offering her body. She was offering her friendship; her heart.

_Even though he already had it._

She heard a slight sound and it took a second or two to understand the sound was tears; from Top.

She scooted closer to him and cradled his head with her hand as she softly wiped the tears from his cheek.  

He pushed his head slightly into her touch, reveling in the closeness that soldiers, especially mixed gender units, were often scolded against.

 _But they were allowed this_ … Jaz thought to herself. _They needed this. ___

____

She closed the distance between them now. Her arm enveloped him, holding him tight to her, trying to forcibly push away the loss they were both fearfully facing.

____

She felt him stiffen at first at the close contact, but slowly loosen as his arms wrapped her even closer to him.

____

He dug his head into the crook of her neck, his beard slightly scratchy as he started to speak.

____

“I can’t lose you.” He said softly. His words sending chills throughout her body.

____

Her capture still haunted him.

____

Still haunts him.

____

She closed her eyes and sighed as her thoughts took control and a tear ran down her cheek.

____

_Her guys…._

____

_Her guy._

____

She can’t lose him either.

____


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the comments guys! I'll be posting the next chapter shortly but wanted to go ahead and get this one out.   
> I think my slow burn is ready to turn up the heat a little :-)

Jaz stirred as the haze of the morning sun came through the window curtains.

She instantly missed the warmth that had surrounded her only hours earlier as she comforted a broken and vulnerable Adam Dalton.

Her eyes opened to confirm what she already knew; he had gotten up early to return to Preach’s bedside.

The pillow where his head laid still held traces of his scent. And she subconsciously found herself inching closer to it, holding on to the safety and security that it brought with it.

Her mind wandered back to the memories of the rise and fall of his chest against hers. His left arm had held onto her back, securing her snug against him. And every so often she would feel his hand slightly caress her, as if letting her know he was still awake. Still there.

Jaz had never seen Dalton cry. Not even when Elijah died.

He saved those emotions for his private time.

In front of his team, he was always steady and sure. Confident even in the face of the most imminent danger and disaster that surrounded them.

But last night…

Last night, he was a man hurting deeply for a friend. He was a man tired of the darkness this job often brought with it. He was a man accepting of support and love from a friend.

She had fallen asleep first, even though she held on for as long as she could enjoying, a little too much, his touch. But right before sleep overtook her, Jaz felt him press his lips into her hair, mumbling something almost inaudible.

Except it wasn’t inaudible. Jaz had heard him even though it was a faint whisper…

_“You have no idea what you mean to me.”_

______________

One look in his direction and Dalton knew they were in trouble.

While things last night weren’t sexual; they certainly were intimate.

And her nervous glance at him as she walked into Preach’s room that morning let him know that a line had been crossed.

A line that should not have been crossed between a Commanding Officer and a member of his Omega team.

“Look who finally awakened from her beauty sleep!” McG said, smiling from across the room at her.

Jaz shot him a tough glance, but her focus went back to Preach.

“How’s he doing?” She asked, standing next to his bed while watching the machines pump air into his battered lungs.

“The doctor said he’s still critical, but stable. No real change from a few hours ago except his blood pressure seems to have come down some.” Dalton said, his voice low and rugged.

“Thatta boy, Preach.” She said as she smiled faintly. “You can fight through this.”

She broke her gaze to look around the room.

“Where is Cheryl?”

“She went down to the cafeteria with Amir to get something to eat.” McG said, standing up to stretch his legs, as if sensing the uneasy tension between the two of them.

Dalton knew McG sometimes was aloof in his own personal life, but he was astute in other areas. His sly comments throughout the last few months had made Dalton aware that he sensed the changing relationship between some members of the team.

“I’m gonna run to catch up with them and see if they have some eggs or toast or something.” McG said, turning in Jaz’s direction. “You want anything?”

She shook her head no and looked over at Dalton, as he found himself avoiding her stare.  

He saw her turn her attention to Preach again as McG left the room and pull up a chair next to his bed.

She looped her hand into Preach’s; the same hand that had wiped away his tears last night as they fell hot and hard from his eyes.

He hadn’t planned on entering the room where she slept last night. But he knew Jaz, better than he cared to admit sometimes. And seeing the crack in her door where she slept, he immediately knew it was an invitation for support if he needed it.

Usually this was an offer that Dalton would refuse, especially from one of his team unit. He saved his deepest admissions and feelings for qualified psychologists. But this deployment, the past few months, he had found himself opening up to Jaz more and more.

There was an easiness about talking to her. It often felt like an escape. The two of them, sitting close by the fire outside of their hut as they opened up about their childhoods and personal lives.

Preach had made a reference once about their standing “dates” after particularly tough missions. And even though Dalton had laughed it off, that’s exactly what they felt like.

Dates.

But last night was the first time they had ever been physical. Maybe a hug or two over the last 3 years. But nothing more.

Which was why he was surprised when she pulled his hand to lay in bed next to her. And he hoped she didn’t see his hesitation as a reluctance. Because it wasn’t; it was just surprise and analysis.

Because he also knew that situations like the one they were in with an injured team member, made people do things they didn’t normally do. Things they shouldn’t do.

And he didn’t want to cross any lines that would awaken to regret the next morning.

Although he had. And he wondered if his faint confession when the world started spinning around him and he wasn’t able, or willing, to stop the voice that needed to outwardly declare what he had known for quite some time.

Jaz Khan had made her way into his heart.

In which way, he was still battling with. But it was there, out in the open for Preach and probably Amir & McG to see in plain sight.

The only person who probably didn’t was the one who he wanted to declare it to the most. To let her know that he was never going to betray her. Never going to hurt her.

Dalton was different.

Being with her, around her, made him want things he never thought he did.

And that thought terrified him.

It was awhile before he realized that she had been watching him for at least a few minutes as his mind wrestled deep around his thoughts.

Her voice caught in her throat.

“I’m sorry if I over-stepped a boundary last night.” She said, her eyes remaining on his. “I didn’t want you to feel alone. So I went with my gut, probably not thinking through what that would mean for you as my CO.”

 _God. She thought this was her fault._ Dalton chuckled and couldn’t help the next sentence that came out of his mouth.

“You are one of the smartest people I know, Jaz Khan.” He said sternly. “And also one of the dumbest.”

She snickered. “Thanks for the reassurance, Top.”

He watched as she turned her eyes back on Preach. Giving him an out, if he was willing to take it.

But he didn’t.

“Last night was the most soothing sleep I've had in a really long time.” He said softly, in a way that froze her still.

He stopped and stuttered. “I’m not sure what I would have done if you weren’t there.”

“You’d be a mess.” She said without missing a beat.

And that brought a laugh deep in Dalton’s throat. He hadn’t laughed in days.

 “I would.” He said, his laughter suddenly stopping. “I was… when you were gone.”

Jaz’s smile faded from her lips as she watched his eyes go dark. She opened her mouth to speak, but closed them. Dalton knew he was towing a line he probably needed to drop.

But once again, being around her made things blurry. It made him want to bare his soul.

And he probably would have if McG hadn’t re-entered the room, holding food and making way for Preach’s wife and Amir behind him.

He watched Jaz re-set herself and stand up to greet Cheryl and offer her the seat next to Preach’s bed. But he also saw the quizzical glance she threw in his direction shortly after.

This conversation wasn’t finished…  


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh.. I'm nervous.  
> Hope you guys like it :-)

10:20pm.

The team had been at the hospital for over 12 hours.

Jaz watched as Dalton lay asleep in the chair by the window while Cheryl was outside speaking with the doctors once again.

She admired her strength; often during the day watching her as she cast worried and tearful glances at her husband who lay listless in front her. Jaz could often hear her praying softly over him; that he’d return to her and their daughters.

The two women didn’t say much to each other; a point which was inquired about privately by Amir when he and Jaz went to get a quick bite to eat.

And it was not because she didn’t have things she wanted to say; she wanted to tell Cheryl how much she cared for and admired her husband. How much this all was tearing her up inside. How he would speak of his wife and family with such adoration.

But what did she know about the kind of love that Preach & her had?

The type of love that was understanding and all-weathering. The kind of love that made you want to settle down and raise a family; want to be a better person.

Jaz had watched her parents’ relationship with sad eyes. Her dad using her as a punching bag, verbally and physically. While her mom, though strong in her own right, silently watched on.

When she was 18, the military became a way out of that life. And even though it hadn’t been easy for Jaz, it had brought her to this team.

And for that she was grateful.

Because in them, she had found a family that was understanding and all-weathering.

 _And a little fucked up_ , she thought silently.

But they were hers.

She decided against waking Top as she made her way back to the hotel, even though she knew he needed rest that didn’t involve a hard chair and metal window.

But if she were honest with herself, she wasn’t sure if she was ready to face him after last night and their conversation this morning.

Although Hoffman had been a narcissistic killer; he was also very perceptive in his analysis as well.

And Jaz knew her feelings for her CO had been straddling the edge of a thin line for quite some time.

She wondered often if Dalton felt it too. If he did, he rarely showed it.

He was flirtatious with her at times, but she was a woman. And he was a man. And the situations they often found themselves in were extreme and lonely. It was only natural.

There was a time recently where she thought about asking him. They had been in Italy for a 3-day break and her 5th vodka of the night had her feeling a bit brave. And when she asked him whether he ever got lonely out in the field, he avoided her question. Instead, excusing himself to the bar where he found conversation with an attractive brunette whom Jaz thinks got to know him on a very “personal” level that evening.

So she never thought about asking again. Never took any more steps to see what if…

And that “what if” was a big deal, she couldn’t deny. A female comrade who had escalated up the ranks with her had gotten involved with a team member on another unit the previous year.

Jaz wasn’t sure exactly what transpired but the female soldier was shipped to another unit as soon as the relationship was discovered.

Jaz often asked herself if something ever were to happen with Top, would the same thing happen to her.

She couldn’t lose her family. Not this family.

But staring into his eyes during some of their long talks…

Sometimes she wondered if it would be worth it to take that chance.

To see … _what if._  

_____________________________________

Dalton had awakened at 3am to McG tapping him on his shoulder in the hospital room.

“I got next watch.” He said softly, not wanting to wake Cheryl who had fallen asleep with her head on the bed next to Preach.

Dalton sighed. His neck ached from the uncomfortable angle in which he had fallen asleep. And even though he knew McG was right, something about going back in the hotel room with Jaz made him a little apprehensive.

Sensing this, McG offered his key in his hand. “You can use my room, Top.” He said matter of factly. “If you want.”

Dalton shrugged it off. “No, I’m fine.”

He rose standing up and thanked McG, making sure to have him call him if anything changed with Preach’s condition.

He had a few minutes to think during his 5 minute walk across the street to the hotel where Jaz Khan was most likely waiting for him to return.

After admitting to her earlier in the day how much of a mess he had been without her, he was sure she had questions.

But was he ready to answer them? Hell, did he even know the answers?

And as much as Adam prided himself on his analysis of the best decision for the situation, he was drawing blanks when it came to how to “fix” whatever this was with his sniper.

It didn’t help when his brain was telling him one thing, while his heart and gut were telling him something completely different.

He was still wrestling with those feelings when he slowly opened the door and found the door to her room closed. The sofa bed was still made, though, which gave him his answer.

She wasn’t ready to talk either. And she certainly wasn’t inviting another slumber party in her room like she had the previous night.

He took a long sigh, not knowing if he was relieved or disappointed.

Maybe a combination of both.

But he quickly took his shirt off, leaving on his sweats, and quickly jumped in the bed; instantly missing the warmth and soft embrace from his previous night’s arrangement.

Because relief or not, there weren’t many places he felt more at peace than in Jaz Khan’s arms.

And that revelation was new and alarming. He pushed it back into the deep shadows of his mind as he quietly tried to fall asleep.

And after forty-five minutes, he was no closer than he was when he originally laid his head down.

Not with her In the next room.

He threw his feet off the bed and instantly felt the sharp pain from the coffee table he forgot had been only two feet from the sofa and yelped in pain.

Which brought a sudden movement from the adjoining room and a soft light being turned on.

“Top?” She said faintly.

The door opened and she stood there in front of him in that grey racerback t-shirt of hers that made his mind wander and some gray sweatpants. She had her hair pulled back in a messy bun that now was all over her face, while she rubbed her eyes so they could adjust better in the low light.

It was one of his favorite looks on her. And he cast his eyes away so he wasn’t drawn in unintentionally.

“I’m fine. Just hit my foot on the damn coffee table that I forgot was there.” He said.

She finally found his eyes in the darkness. He couldn’t read her expression.

“Why are you up?” She asked, knowing but not knowing the full extent of why. “Is everything ok with Preach?”

He nodded quickly. “Yeah, yeah. He’s okay.” Dalton laid his eyes on his hands. “I just couldn’t sleep.”

She was silent for only about twenty seconds but it felt like minutes.

“Ok…”, she said as her voice trailed off. “Goodnight, Top.”

Dalton watched as she turned around slowly, closing the door behind her. And he instantly felt regret. Regret at not being able to tell this woman in front of him that he needed her. That she had somehow become the center of his world without his permission and it pissed him off. Because it wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair that he had these feelings and couldn’t process them, let alone act on them, without consequences.

He was so far deep into his thoughts that he didn’t hear her door slowly open again.

Jaz stood a few feet in front of him, without him even hearing her. He didn’t realize she was there until she spoke, with slight anger.

“What exactly do I mean to you?” She said, her eyes hungry for answers but also uneasy to what those answers might be.

And he instantly groaned.

 _Shit… she had heard him last night_.

“Jaz…” he said, the only thing that could come out. But she deserved an answer, so he gave the one that held the most truth.

“I’m not exactly sure.”

She laughed, in only the way Jaz Khan could laugh in the middle of something that held such consequence.

“Oh… so when you buried your head into mine and said those words what you really meant was that I don’t know what I mean to you _but_ neither do you?”

He thought about her response and chuckled. “I guess when you phrase it like that…”

“Jesus, Top.” She said, clearly frustrated.

“Exactly, Jaz.” Dalton said, standing up and facing her now.

“Because I am still your CO, your captain. And no matter how I feel or what I feel, I have to decide at the end of the day whether or not it’s a move that should be taken or not. Whether these feelings I have for you are purely lust or something more. And I can’t get it wrong, Jaz. Because there are careers on the line. And I won’t risk yours, or mine, if we figure out this thing between us is just a standard case of ‘wanting something we can’t have’.”

He stopped, knowing he said too much. Because even through the dimly lit room, he could see the pain in her eyes.

Adam Dalton had hurt her.

He opened his mouth to speak. “Jaz….”

“That’s what you think this is?” Her voice choked up. “That’s what I am to you? Some cheap potential fuck that you can’t decide if you want more with?”

He stepped towards her, but she took a step backwards. “Jaz, you know that’s not what I meant.”

“Pfftt…” She scoffed as she wryed her hands together. “But I guess cheap fucks are your MO, right? I mean… if it wasn’t painfully obviously before Italy that you weren’t ready to open up to me, I should’ve known after that.”

Dalton found himself bewildered, thinking back to their recent trip to Italy and what she could’ve been referring to. And then it hit him… the woman at the bar. The woman who he randomly selected to divert Jaz’s prying questions about his state of loneliness during their stays of duty.

“You think I slept with her?” He asked, incredulously.

“You once told me you knew everything about the people on your team, right Adam?”

The use of his first name stopped him cold. She never used his first name.

“I don’t let anyone inside. Haven’t ever really besides Elijah. The people in my life who I have loved have either died or have done everything but care and look out for me.”

She stopped, tears forming on her face.

“So whatever this ‘thing’ is between you and me; it’s anything but lust. It’s anything but wanting something I can’t have simply because I’m not supposed to have it. You are different.” Her voice trailed off.

Dalton held his head down, not believing the direction this conversation had turned. If she only knew…

“Fuck you, Top.” She said coldly, clearly mad at his silence and heading towards the front door to escape.

Dalton ran over to her, turning her around aggressively and placing his hands flatly on the door, encasing her and stopping her from going anywhere.

The startled look on her face made him catch his breath, but he didn’t let his arms down. He needed her to know.

“I didn’t sleep with her.” He said angrily, as she turned her head away from him, not believing him.

But he said it again. “I didn’t sleep with her because she wasn’t you. None of them are.”

Jaz slowly turned her head to look him straight in the eyes, their faces only inches apart as his body was still shielding her from leaving.

“And I can’t… I won’t.” He stopped, closing his eyes to form his thoughts. “What we have means so much more to me than that. Than some wild night…”

Dalton opened his eyes to find hers staring wildly at him. They wandered lower until they were on her lips, never thinking they would be ever be so close to his, yet so far away.

“I’m sorry.” He said softly, swallowing the lump in his throat. Because he was; for everything.

And in that moment, Jaz seemed to understand. He felt her arms raise up until her hands were caressing his face. Except unlike the previous night, it wasn’t a comforting touch; it was explorative and bold. Hungry.

Her hands traced over his beard, her fingers playing in the soft hairs and a low moan escaped from his throat.

They were dancing on dangerous grounds here. And she was letting him take the lead.

Because he had to be the one. And against his better judgement, he was tired of playing by the rules.

He dropped his hands from the door, running them down from her shoulders until they were softly placed on her hips. Stepping in closer, he closed whatever space had separated them previously.

She was his weakness;this woman pressed against him right now. He had known it for quite some time. But being here again, in her arms, made it all the more real. Something he could no longer deny or push away to the back of his mind and hope it changed. He didn't want it to.

He leaned in slowly and watched her close her eyes as he placed long, soft kisses on her cheek, making his way to her ear, nipping on the bottom of her earlobe; He moved his mouth to her neck, eliciting a serious of groans from her that let him know that if they didn’t stop this soon, neither of them was going to be able to.

They still had a lot to talk about; a lot to consider before they took this step. But Dalton found himself not caring about any of that at the moment. And when her hands found their way to his bare stomach, tracing lines across his abs and gripping tightly onto his lower back, he was sure she could feel the pressure that was now pushing, hot and hard, against her.

“God, Adam.” She whispered. And Jesus, if she didn't stop saying his name like this, things were going to get real; quickly.

He tore his mouth away from her neck, where he been biting down only a few seconds ago, and stared back into her eyes.

This was home; with her. And he wanted to explore every single god damn room.

He realized in that moment they still hadn't kissed. And those soft, thick and pouty lips were calling him.

God, how many nights had he laid awake in his quarters dreaming of what she tasted like…

But as he leaned down to find out, the loud buzzing of his military phone interrupted him.

Instantly, their eyes jetted to where it sat on the coffee table. And instantly, they both knew that this, whatever this was, was ending.

He walked over to the phone, picking it up.

“This is Dalton.” He said, as he looked over at Jaz, still dizzy from their encounter; leaning against the front door to the hotel room, with one hand touching her lips.

He nodded into the phone. “Be right there.”

He stepped back over to where she stood.

“Preach is awake.”


End file.
